The Sneeze

I have recently developed a cold, I will not talk in this instance about the much vaunted 'man flu', although I have (as most males have) suffered at the hands of this little dancer, my cold clearly worse.

First the positive, it makes me sneeze quite a bit, I quite like to sneeze, I find it a powerful natural vibration and can revel in the control I am allowed to lose as the sneeze, and with it I presume some of the virus, exits my body. I have never (knowingly) been possessed but I imagine that the inevitable exorcism (I watch movies like everybody else) would be like a series of powerful sneezes....delightfully purging you whilst setting the spirits free to feast on other unfortunate souls.....another bonus of the sneeze is the obvious signal it sends to other people about your state of health, no need to look sad and shivery here. Girls are especially vulnerable to the sneeze and quickly fall prey to its wonderful sympathy generating properties...feel like a hot cup of cocoa? Try a few sneezes first and watch the women folk fight to make it for you....

Actually, writing down the positive has made my cold feel alot better, well I feel better, which I guess means the cold feels worse? The little viral army that is encamped in my sinus' must be feeling a little less secure and that is good.

I have thought about trying to contact the virus through occult means, maybe I could strike a deal with the devil (as it were), if the virus were to withdraw a little of the misery (free up the nose and head areas). I would be willing to go and sneeze in rich hunting grounds rather than lock myself away in a darkened room and feast on lockets.

For the blood price of a few days relief, I would gladly wander old peoples homes and homeless shelters sneezing freely and allowing the virus to spread unchecked amongst the tired and vulnerable members of society......just a thought..