Teething

If you have not yet evolved to the 'bearing children' stage - and many don't bother at all (who can blame them), you will maybe have heard the term 'she's / he's teething' without fully understanding the full horror of this process....

If you have older kids this may ring some bells, if you are in the 'slack water' between a baby and a teething baby standby!

One day your little darling is just about walking, perhaps responding well to various carefully applied stimuli such as 'in the night garden' (check this out, it will blow your mind, kicks such mindblowing wonders as the Magic Round-a-bout and the tellytubbies into touch) and crisps, sleeping through the night etc and the next...

Good grief... nose a constant stream of gravity defying bright green snot which is capable of transiting both down the face in the traditional manner but also 'uphill' to matt in the hair...

Added to this is a constant stream of goo from the mouth, bright red cheeks and a new and nasty temperament that would makes a hound of hell look like the Andrex puppy...and the nights....gone, to be replaced by hazy memories involving poo, medised, (Medised has something of a 'cult' status amongst many parents - is the closest thing to a sleeping pill you can give a child and not be arrested by social services) and screaming..

You just don't need this...

I do hope this evolution does not last too long because I will run out of reasons to sleep out under the stars before long...